Monday, July 18, 2005

.: No more Friends Forever... :.

Have you ever felt been left out by your friends before? Friends whom u thought they understand you, friends whom u thought would be there whenever you need them during the darkest days, friends whom u thought would never abandon u... Abandon.. yes.. It was such a harsh word to use.. but there was no better word to replace it, i think. Capricorns are sometimes known to never keep their friendships for long. In the past, it doesnt really make sense to me. All those horoscope stuffs... just simply nonsensical to me. Unfortunately during the past 3 years, i cant deny the accuracy of this. Perhaps it applies to everybody. I dont know. Feeling isolated by my best pals was perhaps one of the worst feeling i ever felt. Loneliness is the last thing that i ever want to feel.

We used to be such good friends. We giggled about almost everything. We talked about guys, our crushes. We confided in one another when our relationships run into problem. We discussed about almost everything under the sun. Those were the happiest time which i thought will last forever. Unfortunately it was all in the past.

An unpleasant breakup changes my life and almost everything about me. A terrible heartbreak that i thought i will never recover from. During my darkest moment, i very much hoped that my best pals would understand me and the pain i was going through. But i supposed none of them did in fact. When they were enjoying the bliss of their relationship, would they have understand my pain? Afterall it was something they'd nv went through. I isolated myself from them. I had chosen this path. Who am i to blame but myself?

I isolated myself too much from them, i guess. Even if i want to reach them now, they are too far away from me. Unreachable. My presence becomes too insignificant for them. Quite sad, isnt it? When u feel that they will never regard your presence necessary anymore... Not anymore. I was forgotten afterall. No more mini gatherings, no more shopping trip, no more dinners... no more a foursome thing, no even an sms to ask u if u are free to join them. There isnt any common topic during conversation anymore. I dont know how to talk to them anymore. It is even more upsetting to know that celebrating your birthday seems to be an obligation, a chore. If so, what is the point of celebrating for me? Do i matter anymore? I am transparent to them anyway and i lost them already. Forever.

So far away. But it's the truth. Friends come and go. Now i believed in friends always, not best friends forever anymore. Finally i understand why some of my friends choose not to have best friends. It's just a big fat lie.

by ^momo^ at 8:47 PM |