Friday, July 22, 2005

.: For them only:.

It took me a long while to decide whether i want to blog that post on Monday. I would have expected things to turn up this way but somehow or rather, i feel that i should at least let your know. Even if i left your one day, you all will know what drives me to do so. (unlike the 2 morons who left us for reasons unknown.) It's pathetic that my presence can only be felt this way yet i wanted so much to know if you all are with me or not.

I admited that I sounded very harsh and offensive and when Shan tagged that she was disappointed, i have kinda regretted that I posted that entry cos i have strained my own friendship. On the other hand, I wanted to be truthful to you all. We have known each other so long as friends. Shouldnt we be open about our feelings and be truthful to one another? I was very glad that you all responded and I have gotten the attention. I disliked the feelings of being neglected. I disliked the feelings of not being able to engage with you all. I disliked being transparent among you all and left out. That feeling was awful.

There are times I feel very bad because I cant be there when you need your friends to support you. I wanted so much to help but if you are unwilling to confide in me, there is nothing i can do more than just simple consolations which you have heard millions dozen times. I wished to do more but i dont know how to. I wished to hang out with you all more. No matter how busy I am, i can make time for you all. Please, i just hope you dont assume that i was so busy that i couldnt have time to go mahjong, dinner or whatever with you all and left me all out. It will just make me feel that I am forgotten.

That is all i wanted to say... the more i say, the more mistakes. I am sorry, gers for my crankiness ( no.. is not PMS) and seriously, I dont want you three to be the last to know if i happened to die one day. Really.

p/s: If u all have read it, just dropped a message.

LotSa loveS
Juan

by ^momo^ at 3:25 AM |